The Moore Family– by Louise
Memories of Thel – by Louise
Happiness is a by product of an effort to make someone else happy.
Patience is the ability to count-down before we blast off.
Thel went to Walmart and bought four big locks with keys, for our gates. He never used them. I'm trying to find out who I gave them to. I want to give them- the four keys.
A delusion is an unshakable idea that is unshakably held. It is true to him.
When I have no alternative - I'll graciously accept it.
I have survived one more challenge.
He stood under an air conditioning vent. "I'm cold, what would be wrong with having a fire in here?" "All right Boss"
In an effort to help him get some exercise, I called him to the kitchen to open a jar or can. Once in a great while, he pealed potatoes. I bragged on how good he cut grapefruit, he really did. He shut the gate and turned on the light at night. He run the vacuum cleaner a few times. But he only run it over visible thing that he could see, that need picking up. "You make me do all the work."
He brought in the mail--until the day that he opened a savings account letter. He was excited, "That’s the money I got when I sold my airplane. I'll go and buy me another one." So I got the mail after that.
That was the only exercise that he got all day. I decided that I would walk around the little block in front of us- for my exercise. I told Thel. I got halfway around the block and heard a car behind me. I moved over into the grass, it didn't pass. I looked around and it was Thel following me in our little red Corsica. He said that he would follow me until I got home. My face turned as red as the car, I thought he was watching me. But Tommy said that he was just wanting to be close to me. I never walked again. It may have been the last time that he drove the Corsica.
He sometimes hunted me, when I had just walked into the bathroom.
Benny kinda frowned on us going to garage sales- until Thel decided he wanted a new pontoon boat. Then Benny said that garage sales were cheaper.
Once he said, "You are the boss." I asked, "Will you sign that?" He said "Yes."
I wrote it on a little card and he signed it. We had a lot of fun with that. The boys asked me how in the world I ever got him to sign that. That's the only thing he would ever sign. A will, medical directives, power of attorney, No! He would make his own decisions. Neither me or any one of his three sons--would tell him or his body what to do.
He wanted to go to see Junior all the time. Richard said that he had rather drive to Oklahoma and back, rather than on those roads. Once he was on the inside lane going fast, cars were bumper to bumper. A car quickly stopped in front of us, just that one lane. Thel hit their back bumper and their fenders, they just bowed out. Four big young black men jumped out, they looked like they had just pulled off their suit coats. Cars were whizzing by in both directions. I crawled over the center console and onto the median. They had looked at the back of their car and were shaking Thel's hand. "Our car has been hit before, You did no damage, have a good day." Thel was still getting his billfold out, I knew that he had $300 in it. They jumped in and drove off. 2015-to this day, our lower front bumper has a fist-size snaggle tooth gap in it. I was telling Richard, he said, "Mother, now you know what gentlemen look like."
I will not speak quickly-I will not speak sharply-I have survived one more challenge.
I will not be surprised at anything that he says--I will accept it as truth--he believes it.
I learned that he will never accept any point of view - but his.
If it don't hurt anyone--or him--let it go.
I will not try to reason with him--he can not change--It's up to me to accept it.
Don't tell him any more than he needs to know.
Stay calm--try again later--one day at a time--don't rush him.
I'll love him with everything that I've got--love and touch him.
Treat him with dignity and respect--don't treat him like a child.
If he won't take a bath, maybe he will change his underwear. He preferred the long, thick ones.
"You know that I don't sleep in my pants." Well, he had for the last three nights.
He thinks that he can do anything that he ever could and that he runs things.
He gets his way completely--let him win--he cannot understand explanations.
He eats whatever and whenever he wants.
His good Doctor said, "I think whenever a man gets to be 97, he should eat whatever he wants to.
Get out of bed at midnight and eat coffee ice cream that a good neighbor brought him.
Snack with him when he wants--adjust to it whatever it is--make the best of it.
I'll not open my mouth when he makes his food white-with sugar or salt, I put artificial in the shakers
"I'm about to have a chill"--cover him--come back and he's on top of it.
Accept the behavior--work with it--don't argue. Then go ahead and do what you intended to.
If you don't hug or caress each other, very slowly start it now. Thel would not let me set and pat him. So I made a pattern, I would pat him four times and before he could protest- I would give a little final, harder pat. And wait at least half an hour- before doing it again.
I guess that I was born a Caregiver.
The county wanted to weatherize our house FREE. Thel refused to let them in. "I built this house myself and it don't have any problems." That was true---40 years ago.
An untrue idea- unshakably held; is a delusion. It is real to him.
Adjust to it-- whatever it is. You will learn to accept it.
Do not try to stop it unless it hurts him or someone else.
No matter what the storm; You must quietly get up and go on.
I have survived one more challenge.
It seems that he is purposely frustrating-he doesn't know it.
Do you want this or that? Give him time to think and respond.
Snack with him when he wants something-have fruit handy.
Everything in life is going to change. Get used to it-use your sense of humor.
But I deserve to be happy! He does too-life is tough.